*Take on Me is playing in the background*
*Samus is on stage in a functional pair of panties and part of a cut off shirt, bottle in hand, swayning poorly to the music, belting out "I'LL BE GOOOOOONE FOR YOOOOUUUU" while the metroid hatchling sits in a jar*
*eventually she stops singing to save our ears and grabs some hair dye out of her gun rack and goes and washes, still tumbling around half-drunk*
"This is Galactic Federation Tristan 485, we are under assault by unknown enemy craft and systems, please respond!"
*samus dos a rez hanky and sits down to drink some chai, listens to the assault signal casually for a few moments while reading a Cosmic magazine*
*samus puches bags of beef jerky and cans of soda off her alien console*
*listens a little more*
"Hell. It's about TIME."
*she punches her ship into gear, hits hyperdrive, adn upon appearing by the cruiser, she runs over like five enemy ships and lands in the wall of the Federation vessel, bombs her way into a corridor, then stumbles to her feet and points at the space pirates*
"You're ALL under arrest. One of you may pleabargain into being killed last if he goes gets me a glass of water and some aspirin."
STILL A BETTER SCRIPT THAN OTHER M